just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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