so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize