Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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