If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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