end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just invented taco cereal.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
