Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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