Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
why is half of my head shaved?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
