It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
