i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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