Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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