I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
