perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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