Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
