he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
