I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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