i need an iv and a liver transplant
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's the barista slut.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
