I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
