she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
