Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
