My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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