woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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