My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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