Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
