He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
