im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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