PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
