does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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