you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
