Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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