Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
