You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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