my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
