Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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