TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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