Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
