oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
