i think my tv is drunk
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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