Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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