I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
