Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
