lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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