i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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