I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
