i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
