Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
