now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think my vagina is haunted
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
