I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
