I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
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Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize