I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
