So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
