Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
