I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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