we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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