Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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