about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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