no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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