i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
