I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
