i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
