Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
