I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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