when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
