So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
